Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
