ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
