"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
