I just cut my nipple shaving
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
