meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
