Already got asked if we're dating
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
