Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
