So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
