I wanna bring you to show and tell
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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