At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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