I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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