I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
