That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
