Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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