so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
My underwear smells like fireworks.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
