well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
