So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
