i can't believe i had my finger in that
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
