Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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