All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
