he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
