I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
