he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
