I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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