she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
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