I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
