You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
