I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
