Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
