I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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