Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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