why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I think I won the penis lottery.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
