i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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