Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
