hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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