A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
