you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
