this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
