So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
