so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
