I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
