before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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