Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
