i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Randomize
