There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
