She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
