booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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