scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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