Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Randomize
