we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
