OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
