I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
