This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I intend to get homeless drunk
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
