Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
They are going to name an STD after you.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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