Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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