Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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