Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
